The Smile in Your Eyes
by Kaeru-sama
Summary: I ended the lives of people who wanted to die. Is it a sin to do so? Is that not my job as a doctor? I only want what is best for all of you...rated for murder ?. No real pairing i guess.
1. Chapter 1

**The Smile in Your Eyes**

A/N: I'm back. This time I present you with a six-chaptered story that I've been thinking for a long time. I just don't know how to write it because it involves things I'm seriously not that aware about. I just finished my exams. I don't think it went well but here's the thing: I may never be able to write at all next year. If all goes well, I will be involved with a **one year** exchange program in Japan. I hope you people will forgive me.

Dedication: In the midst of writing this fic, my grandfather passed away. Since this story involves deaths…I felt weird. I kind of blamed myself. It's ironic that this story started with a death…

Disclaimer: I do not own Samurai Deeper Kyo, just this story.

-

The small frail hands that clung to my white coat disturbed me. I brushed it away but it crept back up, grasping for dear life. I just looked at the desperate eyes that were glazed with incomprehensible pain. Pain. I am not supposed to cause it. The hell I went through all those years, the furious battle to be the best and beat the rest, it all just flushed down the toilet. The pleading eyes haunted me again and my lips became thin. Why does it have to be like this? Why do I have to pull the plug?

"_Please_, doctor."

My eyes twitched and a growl escaped my lips. Again. The **fifth** one this year. Those pleading eyes, wanting me to end their strife…I cannot take it. I did not cause the strife in the first place. My hands were now smeared with blood and no matter how much I wash them; I can still see the cruel crimson blood. I used to love red. Now, my duty is to end the suffering. I am a doctor. I save lives. I save those who are in pain.

This woman was in pain.

I nodded slightly and added pressure. The fluid flowed smoothly. It went into the small tube and I could only watch bitterly. I looked at the young and beautiful woman. It was great that the drug worked immediately. The shock expressed on her face quickly disappeared, leaving only a small smile.

I closed my eyes.

"Time of death 21:10."

…

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU CAN'T SAVE HER?!"

I just stared at the plump man. He lunged at me and grabbed my collar, yanking at it with his stubby fingers. I growled in disgust as I removed his hands harshly. I fixed my collar as my assistant nurse gasped at my harshness. The man glared at me threateningly.

"I PAID YOU TO SAVE MY WIFE AND THIS IS WHAT YOU GIVE ME?!" he shouted at me again at a volume close to shrieking.

"For your information," I said slowly, ignoring the onlookers, "The money you gave me was not for me. In fact, it is for the hospital's funds."

"Plus," I added quickly before he can react, "Money cannot buy a life. Your wife's time ended, maybe quite a long ago when she married you. Such a beautiful woman, treated like dirt. I will say this to you, Tanaka-san; you are the cause of her pain. My job was only to alleviate the pain caused by _you_. And oh, I am afraid we do not accept money earned from gambling. It **poisons** our equipment."

As I turned around to leave, a choked sob stopped me. I glanced over my shoulder to witness the grown man break down into tears. I was disgusted. He knew there were onlookers and to know that I had just spilled the whole truth about the real cause of his wife's death, he wants pity. It will not work, idiot.

"Sakuya, call security…or better yet, the police. You may also add that he abuses drugs."

My assistant nurse gasped, surprised. She nodded quickly and ran for help, leaving the place quiet except for the crocodile tears flowing ever so freely, wetting the beautiful white floor of this place.

"I only…only had h-her…in my life…w-why did you…" he sobbed out.

That was it.

My hands were bloody yet again.

…

"I have told you this more than once, Mibu-sensei. I thought that you took after your father…I am wrong, I see. Regretfully, you just lost your fifth patient just in a year. What happened? Are you a sadistic man? Do you like watching people writhe in pain? I expected more of you!" the supervisor said grimly, slamming his work desk.

I only stared at him, my emotions masked.

"Kyo, I _trusted_ you with the lives of the many ill patients here."

I finally decided to speak up. Clearing my throat, I said passively, "I ended their pain, is that not my job?"

"No! A doctor's job is to save lives! Not agreeing to help them commit suicide! You say that because you think it is a noble thing to do, God gave you the power to help people! Only if you **cannot** will you ask for other doctors' help! Do not leave matters to yourself! I imagined you to be more-"

"SHUT UP! Are you saying that I am not capable of doing what you want me to do?! Save people?! I can save people! I understand what you want me to do BUT! It is the patient's dying **wish**. That woman today is the best evidence to show you that we can help them by introducing death the less painful way! She was abused by her husband and she **pleaded** me to save her!" I bellowed, slamming the desk too.

"Alright! Alright! I understand! You are dismissed. Please leave. You are giving me a headache."

I just complied.

…

"…Kyo, seriously, tell me the reason why you became a doctor in the first place…I heard from Sakuya-san about what you did to the poor man. You shouldn't have broken his ribs OR his nose!" came the annoying nagging from an annoying girl.

I just ignored her as I took a long drag from the cigarette and exhaled. I am quite aware that I am not supposed to smoke on the hospital premises, especially in front of a patient. But, do I care? No.

"Kyo! Don't smoke in front of me! It stinks!" she pinched her nose, emphasizing her words.

I put out the cigarette and shrugged, disposing the butt.

She flashed me a thankful smile and turned away. She began humming a tune someone I knew taught her. It seems like she still remembers _him_…

"Kyo, please do answer my question!" she reminded me with a huff.

I smirked as I leaned against the wall, crossing my arms. I raised my brows at her, challenging her. She returned it with a glare.

"I became a doctor because it is what my dead twin brother wanted to be. However, he died before he could realize it…" I dragged off.

"…so you became one in place of him?" she asked softly.

"Nah, I took the scholarship from him. I mean, he's dead. Why waste it? And also, I doubt he'd be able to go through with it though, considering **I'm** the brighter one…" I ended with a wide smirk.

The small petite woman in front of me punched me with all the strength she could muster –which was very little- on the shoulder. She realized her mistake when she gasped for breath, immediately clutching her shoulder. I helped her quickly before she collapsed.

"…go and rest, dogface. I'll send Sakuya later with your medicine."

She only nodded, wincing.

…

**SexyDoctor:**

Her name's Shiina Yuya. A girl of sixteen years diagnosed with…nothing. For years, she lived in this hospital and yet no known doctor has been able to give the verdict. For a young girl trapped in a cage, she's a pretty mature girl. Always weak, cannot move a lot…so fragile. Like a china doll. Days of resting in her room paled her. She spends her days reading sick children happy stories, trying to brighten their days. However, she does not have anyone to brighten her day. I don't want to get involved with a patient who's not of my responsibility…

**BustedHeaven:**

So? What are you gonna do about it, Kyo? Why are you telling me this?

**SexyDoctor:**

Well, I think…well. Do you wanna take a look at her? That'd mean a lot to me. You can always tell Squinty that you're having an affair with me.

**BustedHeaven:**

What the hell do you want me to say to my husband?! Keep Tora out of this!

**SexyDoctor:**

Hey, chill. I'm **not** sorry.

**GoToHellKyo:**

Hey! I won't put out dinner for you tonight! You better eat outside!

**IWon'tSaySorry:**

Hah. I need to stay overtime today. I was going to tell you just now.

**GoToHellKyo:**

Oh. Okay then. I want to tell you that we're having your favorite chicken today. Beat that. Oh yeah, um, I have to go now. My baby's crying.

**IWon'tSaySorry:**

Which baby? Squinty or Squishy?

**GoToHellKyo:**

Stop calling my baby squishy!!! Buzz off!

(_**GoToHellKyo**__ is offline_)

"So it's Squishy, huh? Mahiro, you are such a weird woman…" I scoffed, putting out a cigarette on the ashtray.

I reclined, staring at the white ceiling. It was getting dark. I have another five minutes before I have to go for a round. My patients are very suicidal this year. Each and one of them end up begging me to kill them off. I feel like a murderer. No, I **am** a murderer. No doubt about it. My hands are smeared in countless of RBCs. Unlike other doctors, I am the only one who agrees most of the time.

Dogface or Yuya, she was the girl who Kyoshiro took care of once. Because of Nozomu's wish, he tended to her since she was small. She was the reason why he wanted to become a doctor. Well, not really. His actual reason was to impress childhood love Sakuya. Haha. Frankly, I always wanted to become a doctor. Muramasa, my foster father was a great doctor. He took both of us twin brothers just after one meeting.

I used to always fight with the other orphans at the orphanage. They used to ridicule me because of my eyes. My **different** red eyes. They called me a Demon Child. Whenever I beat them up, Kyoshiro would always be there to stop me. His blue eyes would stare me down, cool my anger. I would comply and lower my fist and then turn around with him holding my shoulder.

I hated Kyoshiro for his power to calm me down. It made me feel weak. Easily containing me from shedding blood…it was sad when he died. I did not cry. I was too much of a man to cry. I just needed to calm down to forget he died.

He did not die…right?

-

I just want to rest…

-

A/N: Sorry for the abrupt end of this chapter. You guys may find this confusing. I am confused too. It's just…because of the loss. I lost my bearings…I forgot almost everything. It's just too much of a shock. It's just sad to see my dad cry, you see? All these foreign feelings rush through me, it's overwhelming. Towards the end, my thoughts were just like 'Huh? What? Why is Kyo like that? Why did I write it like that?' I can't afford to change it so yeah. Any things that you guys think I should change…do alert me. I know Kyo's OOC; it's just the way it is. I'm OOC too right now. I can't recall anything. To be frank, this death is the second close one to me, so I don't exactly know how to handle it. Btw, I know my grammar sucks.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: finally! Inspiration for this fic! (Teary-eyed) Kyo is so very emotional here (not really but for him, yeah)! I warned you people! It wasn't supposed to be like this, but it ended up being like this. I finally have a plot. All it took was eating soup. Mushroom soup. Anyway, do enjoy and forgive me for any mistakes done here.

Disclaimer: I do not own Samurai Deeper Kyo, just this story.

-

"_What do you mean by that?! Can't you save her?!" the distressed middle-aged man yelled out loud._

_I was watching the whole scene with interest. My red eyes stared the other little girl down. She was writhing, trying to remove the oxygen mask strapped to her face. Her eyes were pleading for me to help her remove it. I just kept on staring at her as I watched my foster father calm her father down._

_Kyoshiro was behind me, his face showed how worried he was. I turned to him and hit his shoulder, giving him the look that he took as 'calm down, dammit'. He quickly regained composure as he stepped up to hold my shoulder, a habit he was fond of doing. I let him._

_The old man just shook his head as the younger man began to shake his shoulders. My eyes fell on the little girl again. Her eyes were clearly watering up as she reached out her shaking hand to her father who was clearly ignoring her._

"_Save my wife! Save her!" he shouted, still vigorously shaking my father._

_My father could only do so little to please the man and turned to me. I knew from the look he was giving me, he wanted me to tend to the little girl but watching the whole scene, I knew it was impossible for me to make it pass through the older men. I could only tighten my jaw and watch as the girl struggle with the oxygen mask._

_Then, I never expected it. A rough brush against my shoulders caused me to look to my right and just saw a flash of black before staring at the empty spot behind me. I whipped around to see Kyoshiro rushing pass the men and tended to the little girl. His hands moved so swiftly…I had a tang of jealousy pass through my system for that one second. His swiftness matched our father. The way his hands made contact with the equipment, the removal of the oxygen mask and the quick resuscitation technique he applied…_

…_I could only stare in awe._

_His precision of doing his job, his serious face, the tight lips forming as he did his work…he was a natural. A __**natural**__ doctor. My dumb brother was a natural at what I have always wanted to become!_

_I narrowed my eyes at him as I watched the girl say her thanks to him. Her watery brown eyes and her broken speech, I wanted to be the one who saved her! I wanted to be the inexperienced child who saved another person's life!_

_Wait._

_Am I jealous of Kyoshiro? The nitwit?_

_No._

_No._

_NO!_

_-_

"NO!"

"Kyo!" a worried voice cried out.

I opened my eyes. It was all a dream. And I had to scream if front of my assistant.

Fuck.

I closed my eyes again as I got off of the bed – for my patients – and sat up at the side as I tiredly massaged my temples. It was a long night. And I had fallen asleep on a bed that was filled with germs of past patients. Ugh.

I finally opened my eyes again as I stifled a yawn. Sakuya was always busy with something if it was not helping out patients. She would always be there, brewing my favorite coffee and organize all the folders and files of patients. She would put them in the filing cabinets in alphabetical order or by categorization of illnesses. She was a very helpful nurse.

"Sakuya."

"Yes?" she turned to me, halting what she was doing with the papers on my desk.

"Take a rest. Go home."

She looked at me annoyed as she huffed to continue what she was doing. "I don't want any of that from you! It's bad enough the matron asked me to take a rest and now you tell me to go home!"

"Well, you shuffling all those files give me a headache. Just take a coffee break or something. Preferably one without caffeine of course…" I stared at her lazily.

She finally stopped with her arranging and turned to me as I coughed. She crossed her arms as she gave me 'the look'. This look was not of asking me to 'calm down', but it was to ask me to 'take care of yourself'. I scoffed as she opened the drawer where I kept all the medicine.

"I'm fine, stop with that."

"No. I know you've been skipping all the healthy things to do lately. I'm so gonna ask you to eat this up!" she said with finality in her tone as she shoved a packet of paracetamol tablets into my unwilling hands.

"Just eat two tablets and-" I cut her off.

"-make sure you drink plenty of water and drink it with warm water and not cold. Take a rest as it will make you feel sleepy." I finished for her as I gave her a smirk.

She blushed and shrugged it off.

"I just want you to take a rest, okay?" she sighed.

"Same for you. I don't want my dead brother to haunt me if you got sick."

Silence filled the air.

"…Kyo, do you remember the time when Kyoshiro saved me from suffocation years ago?" she asked softly as she leaned her back to the wall.

I just stayed quiet.

"…I was always staring at him. He was worried of me so I kept on staring at him…sure that he was gonna help me."

What…?

"You were scary. You kept on glaring at me as I tried to look at Kyoshiro. I thought you never wanted to help me…"

I turned to her slowly.

"You know? It's funny how in the end it was you who passed the internship and not Kyoshiro. I'm not saying that I never had faith in you…it's just that…it's Kyoshiro's dream to become a doctor…"

I was sure my eyes were flaring with anger right now.

"Never in my wildest dreams…I- Kyo? What's wrong? Why are you fisting the blanket? You know how hard it is to smooth them up…"

Her voice completely died down as I heard the annoying ringing I heard years ago.

The day when Kyoshiro saved this woman's butt.

I pushed her away roughly and ignored her as she fell to the side. I did not even spoil her a look when I rushed to leave the claustrophobic room. No, not a second longer will I suffocate myself in that room.

I hate her.

She ruined everything.

…

"Eh? Mibu-sensei? Why are you here? It's past the patients' bedtime! Hey!" I just ignored the on-duty nurse as I stormed through the ward.

I just needed to be with someone I am familiar with. Someone who would not push me away that easily, I needed…

I slammed the door shut behind me and locked it up, closing the small peephole window too. I let my whole body just fall with my back to the door, to the pure white floor. My legs lay haphazardly as I rested my hands on them, my head bowed low.

"Kyo? What are you doing here?"

I did not lift up my head to look at the other person in the room. I knew she would be there and just stare at me as I go into my embarrassing depression. I am not the type of person who would just look defeated in front of a person, let alone a weaker girl than me. It was just okay for me to let it all loose in front of her. She, who is without a connection in this world, the girl who possessed no other worries other than her own, I needed her acquaintance.

"Kyo?" even as her voice and presence drew closer; I did not stir from my dazed state.

"Kyo?" only an inch more will I am able to give my trust to her.

Her warm hand rested on my forehead as she brushed my bangs away with her other hand with gentleness I can only dream of experiencing. My tired eyes fell on her worried ones and I could not contain the suppressed pain in my chest anymore.

She gently removed her hand to replace her palm with her own forehead.

"You're not having a fever…"

That was it.

I crushed my lips against hers.

-

It was warm.

-

A/N: Oh! Is a pairing just born?! Ayo, I didn't want any love in this fic to blossom. Ah well, it was a good way to end this chapter though. Okay, how many of you peeps find Kyo very to the very, very OOC? I did. This was shorter than the first chapter. Sorry. I find Kyo to be poetic with his thoughts too, sorry again 'cause I'm in my poetic mood. I will update my other fics slowly. R&R, it's polite!


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